You know those moments in life when a commitment is asked of you, and you say to yourself, "Sure! I would love to do that, or face that, or attempt to take care of that one place in my life that I've tried to overlook for so long." Then when God takes you at your word and moves you to actually do it you cry out, "What is wrong with the world?! Why does my life suck so much!?"
Well recently (as in for the past 3 weeks) I have been applying for jobs, and everything was hitting a wall. I believed it to because I was going to Ukraine for two weeks and there was always going to be someone "more available" or "more qualified" because of it. And although this may be true, I was blind to the work God was doing. At the beginning of the summer I went on a retreat called RecWeek. At this retreat we had a speaker come in who came and talked about Jonah. Now we all think of a whale and a man being vomited on the beach ( many children's books have aided us in that image) but what is the context? And where is that beach. If you're not familiar with the book of Jonah here's a summary:
Ok. So Jonah is this priest guy who goes to different cities talking about God. God tells him that he want him to go to the city of Nineveh. Jonah is like, "Ok God," smiles and then walks in the opposite direction. He heads for Tarshish instead, which is in the direction of Spain. He gets on a boat on the coast, still thinking he can run away from God. God brings a Storm (with a capital "S") and the crew is all flipping out, throwing things off the boat trying to figure out who's God sent the storm. Jonah confesses that it's his fault and tells them to throw him over board (cause this guy would rather die than go to Nineveh). So the crew tosses him over. God is like, "I'm not done with you yet" and sends a large fish to swallow him. Fish swims and carries him almost the whole way back and vomits him up on the shore. God tells him again to go to Nineveh. By this time Jonah is like,"Fine. I'll go. *grumble-grumble, still not happy about it but I'll go." God doesn't have the fish spit him up in Nineveh, :) he makes him walk. PAUSE : picture of Nineveh. God is sending Jonah to tell them to stop being evil or he'll destroy the city in 40 days. NINEVEH : Big city, big wall, big spikes on the outside of wall, decapitated human heads on spikes on the outsides of wall. Entrance to Nineveh : Big gate, big entry road, masses of human skulls as decor of entry road. UNPAUSE. So Jonah has some time to think about what he is going to say to the city. Big long speech right? nope. Walks in and on the first day proclaims, "Forty more days and Nineveh will be overturned." NOTE: Jonah doesn't like these people, he wanted God to wipe them off the map. But the people responded crazily and were like, " Oh my word! We are terrible! Forgive us!" and began wearing ashes and sackcloth and repenting and fasting. The King did it too, and even sent out a decree saying that everything in the kingdom is to fast and call on God's mercy. They turned from their evil and God had compassion on them and did not destroy their city. Jonah is now ticked off because he didn't want God to have compassion on them. He has a hissy-fit, complains about the heat in the desert because that's where he stormed off to to pout. God gives the final word that Jonah has no right to be angry at his compassion because he is the creator and is concerned for his creations.
I just saved you two pages of reading, but I would encourage you to check it out for yourself. Ok, so now you're probably thinking....Carli....what does this have to do with you and your job search? Well, at RecWeek all of us had the opportunity to make different commitments. I made the commitment to face my "Nineveh" (that place God wanted to send me, but I didn't really want to go), even though I wasn't quite sure 'what' my Nineveh was. While I was filling out applications I rolled my eyes and just kind of trudged through the ones for clothing stores, and hoped and prayed for the ones to TEAVANA and a couple for a children's center. Even though I had one that seemed optimistic for Express clothing I set it on the back burner because I didn't want to work alongside people who wouldn't care about me, seem snooty, or pop their hips as they walked. But God continued to close doors to everything else. Of course this whole time I'm becoming depressed thinking, "God! Why is everything sucking so much?! Why won't you give me a job I want?" Then prayers began to change, "God, what job do YOU want for me? What do you have planned for me?" And as I was praying about it I realized, (0.0) clothing stores are my Nineveh... I had been praying since before summer started that God would place me at a job where my gifts of joy and encouragement and design would be used for not only my job but also for the people around me. It didn't occur to me that a fashion store in the mall was just the kind of place God would want to put me.
Like Jonah I was turning away from the very things I didn't like but God wanted to use me in. And I've come to accept it. I'm now looking forward to getting to know the people there and I'm praying for strength, joy, and wisdom as I learn the trade of fashion. I also know that God can use me despite any mistakes I make or flaws I might have, because look at Jonah. God had a plan to use him. He said one sentence and an entire city changed and turned for the better. But unlike Jonah, my hope is that I can and will celebrate the changing of those hearts. I'm still growing and I know I have calluses to be softened, but I'm taking it one step at a time. My challenge to you is that next time you're like, "why does my life suck so much?", double-check to see if your heart is aligned with God's because it can make a world of difference. Till next time,
-Carli Lewis
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